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The Irish Kid, The Italian Kid and the Hillbilly....
>>> Three third graders, an Irish kid, an Italian kid and a Hillbilly
>>> kid are in the playground at recess.
>>>
>>> One of them suggests that they play a new game. "Let's see who has
>>> the
>>> largest weenie," he says. "Okay." They all agree.
>>>
>>> The Italian kid pulls down his zipper and whips it out.
>>>
>>> "That's nothing," says the Irish kid. He whips his out. His is a
>>> couple of inches longer.
>>>
>>> Not to be outdone, the Hillbilly kid whips his out. It is by far
>>> the
>>> biggest.
>>>
>>> That night, eating dinner at home,the Hillbilly kid's mother asks
>>> him what he did at school today. "Oh,we worked on a science project, had
>>> a math test and read out loud from a newbook.. and during recess, my
>>> friends and I played 'Let's see who has the largest weenie. "What kind
>>> of game is that, honey?" asks the mother.
>>>
>>> "Well, me, Anthony and Patrick each pulled out our weenies and I
>>> had the
>>> biggest! The other kids say its because I'm a Hillbilly. Is that
>>> true, Mom?"
>>>
>>> Mom replies, "No, Honey. It's because you're twenty-three."
Comments
The Mother Superior answers the door. Again, the big eskimo nudges the little one and says, "Go ahead, ask her the question, ask her the question."
The little eskimo timidly says, "May we speak with the midget nun that lives here please?"
The Mother Superior answers, "There are no midget nuns living here."
The big eskimo starts nudging the little one again and says, "Go ahead, ask her the other question, ask her the other question."
The little eskimo asks in a quavering voice, "Well. Are there any midget nuns in Alaska?"
The Mother Superior responds uncertainly, "Why no, I don't believe so."
With this the big eskimo falls down and rolls on the ground, clutching his belly as he laughs uncontrollably. "See", he says to the little eskimo, "I told you you screwed a penguin!"
The man goes close to the mourning guy and asks:
"Excuse me sir, this seems to be a quiet strange cerimony... May I ask you what happened?"
"This dog killed my mother-inlaw"
"Really? That's terrible... and the other cuffin?"
"My wife. She tried to stop the dog and was killed as well".
The other man keeps silent for some seconds. Then he says:
"Would you lend me the dog?"
"Queue with the others"
A guy bashes furiously on his neighbour's door. When the door opens the guy starts yelling at the top of his lungs "That effing mongrel of yours just killed my pure-bred Rottweiller, you are so gonna pay for that" and with that he starts shaping to throw a couple at the neighbour.
"Whoa, whoa!" says the neighbour. "I don't understand. My dog is a Chihuaha, how the hell did he kill your dog??!!"
"The bastard got stuck in his throat, that's how!!.........................."
More than a little distraught, the Greek grabs his mobile and Calls the police. Five minutes later, the police arrive.
Before the Policeman has a chance to ask any questions, the Greek starts screaming hysterically "My BMW, my beautiful black BMW is ruined! No matter how long IT IS at the panel beaters it'll simply never be the same again!"
After the Greek finally finishes his rant, the policeman shakes his head in disgust: "I can't believe how materialistic you bloody Greeks are," he says. "You lot are so focused on your possessions that you don't notice anything else in your life."
That's not true "How can you say such a thing at a time like this?" snaps the Greek.
The policeman replies, "didn't you realise that your right arm was torn off when the truck hit you?" The Greek looks down in absolute horror:
"F**cking HELL!!!!!! He screams... "Where's my f**cking
Rolex????"
kind of face a woman finds attractive on a man can differ depending on
where she is in her menstrual cycle.
For example: If she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with
rugged and masculine features.
However, if she is menstruating, or menopausal, she tends to prefer a man with
scissors lodged in his temple and a bat jammed up his ass while he is on fire.
Further studies in this area have been canceled.
A: Not being retarded
2. Q: What's blue and fucks old people?
A: Hypothermia
3. Q: What's the first thing a woman does when she gets out of the Battered wives' shelter?
A: The dishes, if she knows what's good for her
4. Q: How do you swat 200 flies at one time?
A: Hit an Ethiopian in the face with a frying pan.
5. Q: What is the definition of "making love"?
A: Something a woman does while a guy is fucking her.
6. Q: What do 54,000 abused women every year have in common?
A: They don't fucking listen.
7. Q: What's yellow and green and eats nuts?
A: Gonorrhea
8. Q: Why did Nature create yeast infections?
A: So women would know what it's like to live with an irritating Cunt once in a while too.
9. Q. Why do fags like ribbed condoms?
A. Better traction in the mud.
10. Q. What's the difference between a woman and a sheep?
A. The sheep doesn't get upset if you screw her sister.
11. Q. What's the difference between acne and a Michael Jackson?
A. Acne usually doesn't come on a kid's face until he's at least 13 Years old.
12. Q. How do you turn a fox into an elephant?
A. Marry it.
13. Q. What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?
A. A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.
14. Q. Why do men pay more for car insurance?
A. Because women don't get blow jobs while they're driving.
15. Q. What's the difference between mayonnaise &semen?
A. Mayonnaise doesn't hit the back of a girl's throat at thirty miles an hour.
16. Q. Why do women call it PMS?
A. Mad Cow Disease was already taken.
17. Q. What's a mixed feeling?
A. When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.
18. Q. What's the height of conceit?
A. Having an orgasm and calling out your own name.
19. Q. What's the definition of macho?
A. Jogging home from your own vasectomy.
20. Q. How can you tell if you're at a bulimic bachelor party?
A. The cake jumps out of the girl.
21. Q. What's the difference between oral sex &anal sex?
A. Oral sex makes your whole day; anal sex makes your hole weak.
22. Q. Why don't they teach driver's education and sex education on the same day in Iraq?
A. They don't want to wear out the camel.
23. Q. What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball?
A. A guy will actually search for a golf ball.
24. Q. How do the little boys at Michael Jackson's ranch know when it is bedtime?
A. When the big hand touches the little hand...
25. Q. How do you know when it's time to wash dishes and clean the house?
A. Look inside your pants; if you have a penis, it's not time.
26. Q. Do you know how New Zealanders practice safe sex?
A. They spray paint X's on the back of the animals that kick.