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An Appology

With the Austin round of the F1 Championship nearly upon us, it behooves me to make an advance appology to Telstar and the general population of Texas.

Next year, around May, you will notice some strange people concentrating around the COTA, as well as downtown Austin, and in the immediate vicinity of some of the sleazier suburban motels.

These people will be immediately identifiable by their scabby T-Shirts sporting alternately 'Holden Sucks', 'Ford drivers eat shit', and no doubt, 'Drive a Nissan, somethin missin', etc. They will not have footwear, and their knowledge of long pants extends no further than dirty jeans. They will be emphasising their strong nasal accents in the absolute believe that 'these guys love us'.

They will of course be pretty much permanently drunk, and will loudly debase everything American, and take offence if any of the locals fail to agree with them. Some of them will get into a great deal of trouble when they fail to take instructions from local law enforcement seriously, as their usual encounters are with police officers who are trained in herding tactics, and not the more 'disable first, find out facts after' training common in the US.

These peope are to be avoided. Whilst it may at first seem that there mought to be scores of buses with signs saying 'Global Asperges Tour Group' close by, they are lamentably....ours.

We appologise for the inconvenience. Whilst the debate for euthanasia drags on without result, there is little that we can do. Of course, we could refuse them passports, but then there is the fact that whilst they are over there, we here remaining get a bit of a break.

One possible thought would be to stir up the NASCAR affficianados and perhaps if the two were to meet in moron combat, there would be a great 'Cancelling'.

Just a thought.


  • So, a delegation of Australian politicians from Canberra are going to Texas?
  • I will have to wait until after to see the damage done before accepting this apology, but Austin being a large university town and a rather weird place to begin with may be able to handle the drunks, perhaps not as well as New Orleans though. Tasers should be able to take care of the most problems assuming they do not play with cattle prods back home.

    While your Nascar moron combat sounds good at first I do fear them coming together as moron friends rather than enemies. Nascar does have Ford diehards and once/if the Chevy diehards realize that Holden is essentially Chevy I see their differences to be smaller. Though debasing America will not go over well and may start tensions.

    Not that I wish you to dump them on us specifically, but have you considered denying their passports on their return trip. Perhaps route their flight to some agreed upon expecting nation and dump them to be someone elses problem. Just a thought as well.
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