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Joke - Why I fired my Secretary

Why I fired my Secretary.

Last week was my birthday and I didn't feel very well waking up on that morning.

I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my wife would be pleasant and say, 'Happy Birthday!', and possibly have a small present for me.

As it turned out, she barely said good morning, let alone
' Happy Birthday.'

I thought...

Well, that's marriage for you, but the kids...
They will remember.

My kids came bounding down stairs to breakfast and didn't say a word.
So when I left for the office, I felt pretty low and somewhat despondent.

As I walked into my office, my secretary Jane said, 'Good Morning Boss, and by the way Happy Birthday! 'It felt a little better that at least someone had remembered.

I worked until one o'clock ,
when Jane knocked on my door
and said, 'You know,
It's such a beautiful day outside,
and it is your Birthday,
what do you say we go out to lunch,
just you and me.'
I said, 'Thanks, Jane, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day.
Let's go!'

We went to lunch.
But we didn't go where we normally would go.
She chose instead at a quiet bistro with a private table.
We had two martinis each and I enjoyed the meal tremendously.

On the way back to the office, Jane said, 'You know, It's such a beautiful day...
We don't need to go straight back to the office, Do We?'

I responded, 'I guess not.
What do you have in mind?'
She said, 'Let's drop by my apartment; it's just around the corner.'
After arriving at her apartment, Jane turned to me and said,
' Boss, if you don't mind, I'm going to step into the bedroom for just a moment.
I'll be right back.'
'Ok.' I nervously replied.

She went into the bedroom and,
after a couple of minutes,
she came out
carrying a huge birthday cake ....
by my wife,
my kids,
and dozens of my friends
and co-workers,
all singing 'Happy Birthday'.

And I just sat there...

On the couch...



  • true story? :d
  • Makes me think of that coupling episode, "Naked".


    [Edited on 6-2-09 by Stan]
  • Excellent joke!
  • Its OK - I got over it

    But, then this happened

    What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?


    Definitely not!


    Why not - don't you like being married?


    Of course I do.


    Then why wouldn't you remarry?


    Okay, I'd get married again.


    You would? (With a hurtful look on her face).


    (Makes audible groan).


    Would you live in our house?


    Sure, it's a great house.


    Would you sleep with her in our bed?


    Where else would we sleep?


    Would you let her drive my car?


    Probably, it is almost new.


    Would you replace my pictures with hers?


    That would seem like the proper thing to do.


    Would she use my golf clubs?


    No, she's left-handed.

    - silence - -

    F * ck....
  • My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, 'What's on TV?'

    I said, 'Dust.'

    And then the fight started...

    ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------

    My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.'

    I bought her a weighing scale.

    And then the fight started...

    ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------

    When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive... so, I took her to a gas station.

    And then the fight started...

    ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----

    I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95.

    Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95.

    I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream.

    And then the fight started....

    ------------ --------- --------- --------- ----------------------------------------

    My wife asked me if a certain dress made her butt look big. I told her not as much as the dress she wore yesterday

    and then the fight started.....


    I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary? "

    It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.

    So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?"

    And that's when the fight started....
  • My wife and I were watching “Who Wants To Be A Millionaire” in bed.
    I turned to her and said, “Do you want to have sex?”
    “No,” she answered.
    I asked, “Is that your final answer?”
    She didn’t even look at me simply replied: “Yes.”
    So I said, “Then I’d like to phone a friend.”
    And that’s when the fight started….
  • Old Blokes don't care

    As we age, we tend to end up seeing more of the medical establishment.

    For example, my doctor referred me to a female urologist.

    I saw her yesterday and she is gorgeous.

    She's beautiful and unbelievably sexy.

    She told me that I have to stop masturbating.

    When I asked her why, she said,

    'Because I'm trying to examine you...'
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